He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
