the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
