You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize