some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
