my mouth tastes like poor choices
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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