I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize