when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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