I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
