I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
