I wannas sexs uuuuu
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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