I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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