The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
