So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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