How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
