I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
