is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
