There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
