dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize