Redeem this text for a blowjob
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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