we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So much rum. So many feels.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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