hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize