On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
