I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
