I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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