dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
