I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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