two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there's paper in my vomit.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize