grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
