just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
