I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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