Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
