He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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