Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize