you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
