so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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