those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
