my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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