I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
