WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
