If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
