I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
