I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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