Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
