kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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