when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
