He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
