Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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