its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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