Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
