i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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