She is in my trunk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
