It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
