He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
