Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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