He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
