Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didn't notice because vodka
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
