I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
