Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
