Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
