when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
