I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
