You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
