Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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