I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
