You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
