I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize