Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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