she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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