im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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