well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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