No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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