Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
