Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
