My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
