i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
