There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i need some magic done to my vagina
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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