the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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