I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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