apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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