In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
