I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
