? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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