remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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