His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
