Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She even gives head with a lisp.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
