Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
