Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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