I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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